The year of separation – the end or a new beginning?
Thinking about divorce? Have you and your partner already decided to separate and are you in the year of separation? Then there are a few things to consider during this time. Lawyer Niklas Clamann explains what the year of separation is all about, what the limits are under family law and whether relationship coaching can help you get back together instead of getting divorced.
Mr. Clamann runs a law firm for family law in Münster. He specializes in amicable divorce and supports his clients from filing for divorce to court proceedings and beyond.
What is the year of separation?
In order to get a divorce in Germany, the spouses must prove that their marriage has broken down. This proof is usually provided by the expiry of the year of separation and the subsequent declaration by both partners that they wish to divorce. In exceptional cases, if one party does not agree to the divorce, the year of separation can be extended to 3 years.
The background to this regulation is that marriage is not just the decision of two people to be bound together in love for a lifetime. Less romantically, marriage is also a legal construct that is particularly supported by the state. Article 6 of our constitution states: “Marriage and family are under the special protection of the state.” The year of separation was created to prevent spouses from hastily ending their marriage and to force them to reconsider their decision.
What needs to be considered during the year of separation?
The year of separation begins when the marital relationship is terminated. “Table and bed” must be separated. In concrete terms, this means that the couple may no longer share a household or maintain a physical relationship.
The easiest way to achieve this separation is to have separate apartments. Experience has shown that this is the rule. The spouses then each run their own household in their own home and the marital relationship is over.
The year of separation in the shared home is somewhat more complicated. There can be many reasons for arranging the year of separation in this way; the most common are probably a tight housing market, financial difficulties or the need to protect joint children. But here too, a physical separation is necessary. For this purpose, the rooms for sleeping and living must be divided up. Only rooms that were once available, such as the kitchen, bathroom or hallway, may of course continue to be used by both parties. The household must also be kept separate. In financial terms, the separation takes place through separate bank accounts and separate purchases. In practical terms, the couple must each do their own washing, cleaning, cooking and the like. In addition, leisure time must be organized separately. This strict separation is only possible to a limited extent in very confined spaces or with joint children. The couple must find a middle ground here in order to preserve the marital union as much as possible, but only allow everyone involved to suffer as little as necessary. As a rule of thumb, you can remember this: You can live next door to each other, but not together. During the year of separation, your shared home is a shared flat, not a family home.
A judicial review of the separation does not usually take place. Instead, it is practically sufficient if both spouses agree in court that the year of separation has been completed and that the divorce has failed. In exceptional cases, if the spouses do not agree on the duration of the separation, evidence may be requested. For example, bank details, a new tenancy agreement and a written notification of separation to the partner can be submitted. Witnesses can also be asked about the housing situation.
Is an attempt at reconciliation possible during the year of separation?
An attempt at reconciliation during the year of separation is possible – and even desirable. As mentioned, the year of separation serves to allow the couple to consciously come to terms with their separation and possible future life without each other. It is not uncommon for clarifying discussions and the desire to save the relationship to take place during this time.
One way to actively approach this rescue is to consult a relationship coach. The three of you can discuss the positive and negative moments, worries, points of contention and wishes together on neutral ground and under professional guidance. The couple should be aware that “business as usual” is not an option, as they have already decided to separate. An attempt at reconciliation during the year of separation therefore requires a lot of courage, work and honesty, but can be rewarded with a happier and longer marriage.
In the context of such attempts at reconciliation, the question arises as to whether living apart and the year of separation are interrupted as a result. Some couples are deterred from attempting reconciliation by the concern that the year of separation will have to be started all over again in the event of failure, thus further delaying the divorce. The law stipulates that living together for a shorter period of time in order to reconcile the couple does not interrupt the year of separation (§ 1567 BGB). However, it is not possible to give a blanket answer for all spouses as to when a shorter period can be assumed. Criteria can be, for example, the (renewed) reason for separation or the period between the separation and the attempt at reconciliation. As an upper limit, a period of approx. 3 months can be assumed.
The bottom line – an end or a new beginning?
Whether spouses get back together during the year of separation or decide to divorce after it has expired is entirely up to them. My personal advice to you is: Use this time to (jointly) come to terms with the separation and ultimately decide freely and consciously according to your own convictions.
The relationship coaching practice Lorenz www.beziehungscoach-mannheim.de offers recommended separation coaching.